I wrote an article for women 16 months ago and the responses I received from different women about my opinions on dating were amazing. Everything in this world is an opinion and I hope I inspire one person to take my advice and implement it. I hear different women complaining about men (and the same men complaining about women), saying that everybody is bad, everybody is not good, and I see bizarre quotes about men; good men don’t exist anymore, men don’t want a romantic relationship, they just want sex. This is absolute BS; men crave and want a romantic relationship but with the right person for them. Men want a romantic relationship with a highly valued woman. Men are emotional. They crave attention and love, and they want somebody to love because as human beings we are born on this planet to love. Men love the feeling of taking care of their partners.
Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. The first thing that women need to change is their mentality, like anything in life. You need to change the mentality about how you think about men. If you read one book that you don’t like ,does it mean that all books on Amazon.com are no good? We all have different tastes and opinions because we all sell different stories to ourselves based on our previous experiences and our knowledge. There are some men that are assholes, I agree. Men will treat women how girls brand themselves. If men see that a woman acts in a certain way they will treat her in a certain way; half-naked pictures on Instagram means half naked women who want attention, right? Judging a book by its cover is not a good thing to do but we do it anyway as human beings. If a man sees a woman that has real inner confidence, he will treat her like that. If he doesn’t, then it means he doesn’t have manners or there is something wrong. We can’t control what other people think of us, but we can control how we think of ourselves and how we think of us.
I believe that it’s quite easy to get the guy nowadays; just be yourself and spark interesting conversations with people you meet. I told some of my friends how to meet new guys and it doesn’t include clubs (bamm, bamm, boom). I don’t like clubs. I rarely go there and you can’t have a decent conversation without shouting in the other persons’ ear. I told them something very simple; start conversations with guys at coffee shops, gyms, supermarkets and everywhere you go. You might say why? A lot of men don’t have the confidence to go and speak to a girl they like in public (I used to be that guy). They might like you, but they are scared to go and talk to you. Men want to feel that they started a conversation and they are ‘leading’ the conversation, so what you do is give a small ‘treat’ like I give my princess (dog) Chanel small treats before you give him your time and attention. So, let’s say you are at Starbucks and you stand in line, and there is a sexy guy standing behind you. First, you don’t know him – he might be sexy but he might be in a relationship, he might be loved up, he might be a serial killer, right? So, before your emotions start telling you not to speak to him, turn around, smile and ask him a simple question; What muffin should I get; a) blueberry or b) chocolate? This will give him something to think about and reply to you with whatever one he likes most. If, for example, you are anything like me, you love blueberry muffins. If he says “blueberry muffin” you can ‘compliment’ him and say “nice taste!” If he says chocolate, you can tell him “ohh, that’s why we would never get along!” and always smile while you say something, it sends positive energy. Once he gets the point, he will have to invest and continue the conversation. If he does continue, tell him that you are with your friends and invite him to join you for a quick coffee. If he doesn’t, just order your Latte with Cinnamon and keep going. He should do the rest.
This is a small example of how you can spark a conversation with a stranger. Once you develop a habit of sparking conversations and thinking that you are just sociable and want to make friends in your life, everything changes.
A very important thing to remember is that men want women that have a life, and he, as a potential partner, will be an add on to your life. This is very important to remember; a lot of women wait for the guy to ‘complete’ them and that’s their life goal. I was at a Starbucks one day replying to some emails. At some point I noticed three girls sitting opposite me and I started a conversation with them. I asked all of them what they wanted to achieve in life. Their answer was immediate; find a guy, get married and have kids. I asked them, “what else?” They said “nothing else”. Once you say to a guy that your life goal is to get married and you have nothing else going on in your life; he will run a mile, or use you for sex and lie to you. Men don’t want to feel that the girl has nothing else to do. So, before you get a guy you need to have our own thing going and then get the guy. Make yourself a priority.
To get the guy, you need to show confidence. You need to show that you are an amazing woman who evolves every day and becomes the best version of herself. You have different conversations with him; not boring conversations about the weather and traffic. An amazing book that I read every year is by Dale Carnigie “How To Win Friends and Influence People”. It says that you have to take a genuine interest in the other person, but I would add is that you need to be interesting as well. You need to be yourself and share your passion with him, show him what you care about most in your life, speak about things that make your heart sing. As human beings, we become interesting people when we work on ourselves and discover new things. Have conversations with him that will make him think, challenge his thinking and his beliefs, and of course be open to his way of thinking and see how you can make each other better people.
I will leave you with this; to get the guy you need to show that you are not needy, that you are working on yourself. Men want real relationships that are vulnerable and authentic. The first thing that you can do is write down five things that you love in life on a piece of paper. The second thing you need to do is write five things that you want a guy to have; both in his character and visual. I’m not saying that if you write down those five things you will not meet anybody else that doesn’t have something to offer. But this will help you have a clear vision of what kind of man you want. If you want a party guy you will find him at bamm, bamm, boom. If you want a guy that loves art, you will find him at art galleries. You can meet a guy that is the exact opposite of what you desire but you fall in love with him; which is absolutely fine. A lot of times the opposite attracts.
I’m sorry, but I will share with you the truth about perfect guys; they don’t exist. It’s not real, it’s fake. Movies and the media promote that there is a perfect guy that needs to act a certain way. Christian Grey is not a perfect guy; he is a rich millionaire that is kinky and dominant. You want a guy that will be real with you and authentic. We all have our imperfections, men and women, but what matters most is falling in love with our imperfections and being okay with them because every single guy and girl has different strengths. To get the guy you need to become the best version of yourself and make more friends – spark conversations with guys everywhere. Like I said in my previous article; to find the guy that is perfect for you, you need quantity to find quality. You need to meet and speak to 100 guys so you have options and then you will find for what you are looking for.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this article, please, don’t be shy, comment below and let’s start a conversation.